


Handing People Shit

by Sniperdoodle



Series: Dave and Karkat Raise Kids [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Babies, Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sniperdoodle/pseuds/Sniperdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave loses a baby and then gets handed shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Handing People Shit

            I lost a baby.

            Well, let’s just begin from the start. Karkat likes to think that he’s not a good parent because he’s a troll and trolls have shitty parental senses. That’s far from the truth. Karkat’s a better parent than me by a long shot. He’s a natural father and he’s really good with Dawn and Duke. He thinks that I’m the better parent just because I act like I know everything. Which I don’t. I haven’t told him this yet but my Bro provided me with two great words of advice when it comes to raising kids.

            The first one was that ‘Everything you learn about raising a kid happens through experience as you are presently raising a kid’. Bro explained to me that you can’t learn everything from the books. Parenting books just give you shit. Learning how to raise a child comes from raising a child. 

            The second phrase was ‘To seem like a good parent just act like you know everything when actually you know jack shit’. Bro told me to keep a calm head when the babies barf and cry in the middle of the night. It’s helped me not freak out most of the time while raising a child. The only time I actually did freak out was when Dawn got a fever that one time. That and right now.

            I had lost Duke. The rampaging two year-old finally got some sense to walk, but now he was all over the place. With two people in the house, it was easier to keep track of him, but at the present moment Karkat had gone over to Rose and Kanaya’s with Dawn so Dawn could hang out with her cousins. So at the moment, I was home alone with Duke.

            I swear, I had only taken my eyes off him for a second. John had called me with an important question since he and Vriska recently adopted a baby (newbs) and needed help. Once I was done helping John, I had turned around to finish getting Duke dressed (all he had was socks and a diaper on) to find that he was missing. 

            At the current moment, I was rampaging through the house to try and find the mischievous toddler. Our house was completely baby-proofed but there could still be a lot of stuff he could get into. Duke had inherited the Strider Gene for fucking shit up so that meant climbing things, breaking things, destroying things, and doing gog knows what to things. 

            I searched the living room, the kitchen, Can Town, the bathroom, the bedrooms, and the office. All that was left was the master bedroom. 

            I ran into my shared room with Karkat and looking into the open door of the master bath to see that my son Duke was standing in the toilet. And the little fucker looked pretty happy about it too.

            “How?” I asked him walking over to the toilet bowl. Duke just gave me a cute dimply baby grin with his fat cheeks. 

            “How are you so fucking cute?” I asked on a side note as I lifted his sopping wet feet out of the toilet bowl. “Good thing that that’s clean water.”

            I quickly cleaned Duke off and set him up in front of the TV so I could work on editing a new part of a movie behind him. I looking up every once so often just to make sure that Duke was still occupied with an episode of Blue’s Clues.

            One of the many times I looked up, Duke was walking over to me with something in his hand.

            “What do you have?” I asked Duke holding out my hand.

            Duke just laughed was he wiped off the strange object in my hand. However, this strange objects wasn’t so strange because it was just shit. Shit from Duke’s diaper. My son just handed me shit.

            “Shit,” I said both naming the object and using it as an exclamation. “I should have put some pants on you.”

            Duke smiled as I walked over to the toilet and dropped the shit into it. Then, I thoroughly washed my hand and Duke’s hand before changing his diaper and getting some clothes on him. 

            Duke was happily building with some blocks when I informed Karkat of the day’s adventure.

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

TG: karkat

TG: guess what

TG: duke just handed me shit

TG: like not shit as in bullshit

TG: but actually shit shit

TG: as in poop

CG: WHAT.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was also based off of two real events. The first one, my dad really did loose my brother and found him standing in the toilet. The second one was a separate event where my brother really did hand my dad actually shit.
> 
> More to come based off of my life scattered through time.


End file.
